The GOG INDEX

May i first say, that i cannot take this as my original work it is purely from the hepcforum

I am pleased to announce my latest contribution to medical science. Due to the lack of a convenient and user-friendly scale to quantify the psychological effects of interferon/ribavirin treatment, I have developed the following.

For convenience this may be referred to as the 'Grumpy Old Git' or 'GOG' index. It operates on a scale of zero to ten, with benchmarks as follows.

0 - Elated. Something odd has happened. Possible lottery win, proposition from attractive virgin, or announcement of SVR. Otherwise very worrying.

1 - Cheerful. Having a good day. Last day of treatment, or announcement of EVR, otherwise slightly worrying. Treat as temporary insanity.

2 - Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary to report.

3 - A Bit Down. Not quite the normal person, but not shouted at the dog or kids (yet!)

4 - Quiet. A bit irritable and easily upset. Dog and kids wary. Approach with caution.

5 - Grumpy. Downright anti-social. Dog and kids reluctant to occupy same room. TV now a smouldering heap on the front lawn.

6 - Steaming Gently. Throws a wobbly at the slightest disturbance. Dog and kids reluctant to occupy same house. Postman approaches with trepidation. Computer has joined TV on front lawn.

7 - Withdrawn. Sullen, moody and depressed. Dog and kids leaving home. Postman refuses to call. Partner considering emigration. Neighbours calling estate agents.

8 - Depressed. Introspective and aggressive. Taxi drivers and busses refuse to drive up street. Police patrol nervously in threes.

9 - Suicidal. Seriously depressed. If there was a gun to hand a funeral would be needed. Offers of free ammunition from neighbours.

10 - Euthanasia required. Somebody find a gun quick!

Informed readers will quickly realise the benefits of the GOG index, in that the psychological state can now be accurately conveyed in a simple number, and no longer needs lengthy explanation, thus saving precious health resources. With this in mind, the numbers have been kept to ten to prevent doctors running out of fingers.

For general guidance it is suggested that driving be restricted to levels of GOG4 and below, except for supermarket trolleys which are, of course, exempt.

Dealing with petty officials is best reserved for periods between GOG4 and GOG6, when most satisfaction can be obtained.

I fully expect the index to be universally adopted forthwith as it represents a major medical breakthrough.

i think it is so appropriate! Finally there is a scientifically validated means of measuring how off the wall ive got since starting treatment!